I’m in a safe space now and I feel in control of my illnesses, but I still have and will forever have suicidal thoughts. These thoughts are less frequent and they don’t last as long, but they are a symptom of my illness that I will always have to manage.
When I think back to my past suicidal thoughts, and the attempts, I can sum up my feelings in four little words- well, this is it.
For me, suicidal thoughts occur when stress, emotions, and depression build. At that moment, I don’t know where to turn. Sometimes it’s loneliness and loss of hope. Other times it’s the emptiness and wanting it to end. And it has also been uncertainty, not knowing how things will turn out.
The thoughts and urges are incredibly frightening and I can get stuck in them, like mud, dragging me down further and further. At this point, I feel stuck in emotion mind.
A person should never have to go through these thoughts alone. Yes, one may be able to work through them alone, but why?
Reaching out when suicidal thoughts occur is very difficult, but it is worth it. Experiencing these thoughts are not a sign of weakness, they’re a symptom of a challenging mental illness. Working through these thoughts takes incredible strength and determination.
Talking about my suicidal thoughts and urges has saved my life more than once. These thoughts are scary, but they’re more manageable when I have someone by my side, talking them through, and reminding me how important it is that I continue fighting.
Reach out; save yourself.